Ride The Tiger

“He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.” – George Bernard Shaw

My entire life, I have been a trusted confidante for more than a handful of friends, and not only people with whom I have been close with. In my brain there are secrets upon secrets that have been entrusted to me by so many, and I do take some pride in saying that I keep them, each and every one.

With that sort of trust and confidence in me, I have also become a prime source of advice for the people I know. I don’t know how or why, but in several cases I’m the first one to be sought out when an issue rises. I always suggest taking the logical route and weighing the pros and cons of a pending decision, whether instant gratification is worth the eventual fall out, etc etc.

I am a hypocrite.

I don’t take my own advice. I can’t remember the last decision I actually thought about. I rely heavily on my intuition and instincts. If I get the notion that I should do something, I do it, because I wouldn’t feel the need if I were supposed to write it off as nothing, right? Yet I wouldn’t advise anyone to follow my example. In short, I don’t trust people to be as perceptive as I am. Like a dear friend of mine, who we’ll call John. John makes really stupid decisions, John is impulsive, and John unknowingly craves abuse and drama in relationships. I would tell him to deny every gut feeling he has, because it’s shit and will only do him harm. I trust myself more than anyone I know. I am my own best friend.

The rare times when I ‘seek’ advice, I already know the solution. The only reason I ask is to get confirmation that it’s what I should do. If you tell me something different, I might consider it, but probably not. I already know what I’m going to do, and there’s a 50% chance that I’ve already done it. As intuitive as I am, I still always second guess myself.

Even with simple things. Like, do you want to watch Inglourious Basterds or She’s The Man? I know what I want to watch, but I’ll wait for you to put them both behind your back and ask me ‘Right or Left?’ Then I’ll choose (probably left), and (considering if it’s the one I wanted) I will exclaim my pleasure over that one being chosen. I like to see if the gods are on my side (:

If it’s a big decision, like one I was faced with today, I’ll consult the craziest things. I can’t just trust anyone with important things, sometimes no one at all. In these instances I resort to three main things, in this order: A Magic 8 Ball, my horoscope (I’m an Aries), and Tarot cards.

In a sane world, those should be the things I stay away from when making a big decision. I embrace them. Okay, so I usually disregard the Magic 8 Ball if it doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, and I know that horoscopes are so broadly written that they could apply to anyone at anytime, and the Tarot are just cards. I don’t have religion, so let me have my comforts.

I think that whatever gives you confidence should be embraced. Unless you’re an alcoholic.

What do you do for reassurance?

Keep your fingers crossed for me,
Dacoda.